Saturday, December 23, 2017

Rat Returns: 81-year-old Beats to Death with Broomstick in my Bathroom

After another recent sighting...

Tonight, I am rethinking my faith because this happened two hours ago...

While relaxing in my bed I saw movement on the floor near my bathroom. After running out my front door in hysteria and soliciting the help of an equally hysterical neighbor, I called my mother and exclaimed "Come get me immediately, I cannot sleep here tonight. It's in my bedroom". Thirty minutes later while I was still sitting in my front yard aghast with the front door swung open in order to keep a lookout, she arrived in my driveway, driven by her 81-year-old boyfriend, Norm. As he exited the car, his eyes darted at me as if to say "You are such a freaking pansy" but instead his mouth merely said, "Where is it?" I replied, "We last saw it scamper into my bathroom". 

Thirty seconds later he emerged from the house still holding a broomstick and after which we had heard four or five thuds and watched an equal amount of swinging shadows dart from the entrance to my bathroom to simply ask, "Do you have a bag I can put it in?" 

There is a God after all, and his name must be Norm..

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